“When the rug is ripped from beneath everything you’ve known, you can spend the rest of your life trying to get over it. But a very different outcome is possible. In Shaken: What’s Next When Your Parents Are Splitting Up? Debra Burns touches on a subject thousands of teens and young adults are struggling with—she does so with deep compassion, practical wisdom, and spiritual insight. I highly recommend this study for professionals, small groups, and hurting individuals. If you feel shaken, open these pages to find real hope and healing.”
"After 25 years of working with teenagers, Debra Burns realized this generation does not have a safe place to deal with their parents’ divorce and the emotional pain it causes. She has created one of the first books to guide teenagers through the heartbreak of divorce and leads them to hope for a better future. Anyone involved in the development of teenagers will appreciate the practical and insightful topics this resource provides. For teenagers who don’t value the institute of marriage because they fear divorce, this resource will help build healthier families for future generations.”
“Since meeting Debra through her church partnership with Live the Life, she has been a huge advocate to support healthy families and marriages. She has led several workshops for Live the Life that have impacted not just the marriage but the whole family. Her desire to help the next generation build positive, strong relationships is the foundation for her work. This workbook is a wonderful tool for anyone working with youth, not only to help them process their feelings about their family dynamics, but to give them practical advice about their future relationships and marriage.”
"Debra has provided an inclusive, evidence-based book that does an excellent job of incorporating the factual and the faith-based in an approachable format. The biggest message in all of this is that of hope - that you are not alone and that you can get through this with the help of others. I wish I'd had this years ago when I was a teen going through my own parent's divorce! This is a great resource for teens and for the leaders helping them walk through it.”
"This wounded generation does not have a safe place to take the emotional pain of their parents' divorce. On the other side of their shame, anger and confusion they will find healing and forgiveness. Debra's extensive ministry experience has prepared her for writing this invaluable workbook that we can all learn from. My greatest desire is that every young person carrying the burden and brokenness of their family will find solace in this workbook and realize our loving God will not waste their pain."
"We have enjoyed using past editions of Debra's course in our teen classes. The improved organization and depth of relevant content continues to challenge how we can help. As class leaders we are thankful that this tool can help us minister to those teens going through the pain and hurt caused by parental divorce.”
This generation does not have a safe place to deal with their parents’ divorce and the emotional pain it causes. Some parents don’t want anyone to know of the personal struggle at home and warn their kids not to tell anyone. This leaves teenagers on their own to figure out how to deal with the emotions that come from their family breaking up. If they confide in a friend, they are met with the apathetic response to “just get over it and accept it.”
Few books specifically address the millions of teenagers who don’t value the institute of marriage because they fear the pain of their own divorce in the future. They would prefer to never marry at all then put themselves through the pain of divorce. This book covers love, dating, relationships and even talks about what a healthy marriage looks like. The goal is to break the cycle of divorce in this generation.
Statistics show in the U.S., 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Parents with teenagers 13-19 years old would benefit from using this workbook as a tool to help process the feelings that come up, learn how to communicate, and how to develop healthy relationships in the family and with others.
Anyone involved in the development of teenagers will appreciate the practical and insightful topics this resource provides. For example, middle and high school counselors, teachers, spiritual mentors, youth pastors, and family members. This can be used as a support group or small group study in a variety of venues.
You may choose to use this workbook for your own personal study or with a family member. It also works well in small group settings led by a counselor, teacher, mentor, youth pastor, or other adults. Plan on 60-90 minutes for your group to meet.
This workbook includes principles offered to students struggling with the impact of divorce. Introduce each chapter according to the needs of the students, not necessarily in the order given. Provided are suggestions to keep your group engaged and interacting with bonus material at the end of each chapter to enhance your study.
After the first week, you may want to begin the meeting with each member sharing the high or low from their week to build rapport and trust within the group, then ask a review question from the previous chapter. At the end of each meeting, leave time for sharing and recording prayer requests and praises. The suggested prayer provided in each chapter can help students learn how to pray.
“I’ve learned that anger will eat you alive and that forgiveness will set you free. You have to be able to accept people for what they have done.”
“I’ve learned how to deal with my feelings in a good way. I will be more conscious of how I act and what I say, as well as my outlook towards divorce. This class resolved some unfinished business with my feelings and now I can sleep better at night. This class has surpassed my expectations.”
“I learned to give all my emotions to God. Now I turn to God with every problem.” ~ Samantha, 13
“When I get marriage, divorce is not an option. I don’t want to put my future kid in a situation I had to live in.”
“I learned that I can’t change what happened in the past, but I can give my family a better life in the future.”
“Don’t isolate yourself, hang out with friends and people that love God. Know that many others deal with it too.” ~ Erin, 17
“You can maintain a healthy relationship with each of your parents, even if they can’t maintain one with each other.” ~ Jasmine, 18
“That marriage is one of the best gifts God gives us, and to not let parents’ divorce affect their own views on marriage.” ~ Brody, 14
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